Here is a quick update as to what has been going on here the past couple weeks. I just haven't had the energy to write. :)
- Strep got better, but caught a stomach flu that after 2 weeks I'm just getting over. It's so nice not to be in constant pain now. :)
- Tim finished his class with a good test score of 97%, and is enjoying his new job so far.
- We're now at the 12 month mark of trying to conceive. It's hard to see people who are pregnant, especially if it's easy for them to get that way. I wonder why God doesn't see fit to bless us. Also, I find I carry a fair amount of humiliation and embarrassment over it.
- The trade was denied due to an "assignment on record" for Kenneth Barnum. So we're now trying plan B of re-enlisting with base of preference...but we won't be moving back to WA 'til May. Another winter and holiday season in the South. I hate it here so much I cannot express it - Warner Robins is the complete opposite of anything that would make life worthwhile. No job, no family, no challanges, no school, no outdoor activities, etc, etc.
Hopefully I'll be up to writing more now that I'm feeling a bit better, and now you're caught up on the highlights.
September 26, 2007 at 4:28 PM
I'm so sorry about the trade falling through. How disappointing :(
Please don't feel humiliated or embarrassed Hol. I know this means nothing coming from me, but it is NOT a personal failing that you've not conceived. You've done nothing to make this happen. It just is, for reasons that we don't understand. It isn't freaking fair though, especially when it happens to people that couldn't be more deserving of a child.
September 26, 2007 at 9:53 PM
Holly, I agree totally with Kristi! The ability/inability to concieve is not a personal failing, or a result of sin, or because something is "wrong". When you realize the 1000's of things that have to happen at just the right time...it's amazing that anyone ever gets pregnant.
And you guys did manage to get pregnant! It just didn't "stick" (as Kristi likes to say).
Are you doing ovulation kits or measuring your body temp? Thats a good place to start...but you can also do a day 20 progesterone blood draw to check and make sure that you are ovulating. Talk with your OB/GYN...he/she may have some suggestions for you.
September 27, 2007 at 5:56 PM
Oh, Holly, I really empathize with the fear and frustration you and Tim are feeling right now. I was listening to a radio program and they quoted C.S. Lewis as saying, "I was more concerned with avoiding suffering than achieving delight." That made me think of you and Tim, not thinking that you are more concerned with avoiding suffering, but thinking that God uses suffering brought on by this fallen world to bring about 3 things that He longs to teach us: Humility, spirituality, and faith. He longs to teach us these things because they are the door through which He brings us into a world of delight and joy. That is the whole scheme of this fallen world. I think that every chosen person of God will go through a (or several) breaking process during their life. The breaking is not a punishment but is an expression of God's love and desire for us. God has got your number, Holly. :)