Life Day by Day

I am horrendously late writing about our Christmas, but with morning sickness ironically all day except in the morning, I just haven't felt up to it. I just finished a 2 hour long nap, though, so I'm feeling okay. :)

On Christmas Eve, Tim and I drove around checking out the Christmas light displays. Some were really fantastic...much better then our pitiful strand along the eves lol. After that we came home, snuggled up and watched White Christmas.

Christmas morning we opened our gifts from each other and from the family, spending some time admiring each one. I got a $25 gift certificate to half.com to put a small dent in my wish list from Tim, a beautifully framed picture of Tim and I from Lindy, a cookbook from Grammy's soroptomists, fudge, several kitchen odds and ends, a stir-fry pan from Tim and he also got me a George Foreman grill...and something else from Mom and Dad that for the life of me I can't remember right now!

I got Tim a really neat mini terrarium with a couple fly-traps and a sun-dew, and he got a terrarium filter/pump from Grammy and a gift card from Mom and Dad to a terrarium shop to get the rest of the stuff he needs...Now all he needs is an old glass aquarium! :) Josh got him a cool shadow box type frame with a 3 really good pics of Tim in it. It's really neat.

After we opened presents I made our ham and off we went to our friends apartment to have Christmas dinner with everyone. It was a lot of fun...Everyone brought something and we got a lot of visiting in. Dinner went REALLY late (we were supposed to eat around 3...didn't eat 'til 5 or so) so by the time the party was really starting to begin, I was starting to fade a bit and feel my evening morning sickness. So, we ended up heading home early, and early to bed (at least I did :).

On the 27th we had our second ultrasound to estimate the baby's due date more accurately, and to make sure it was growing and sure enough it was. :) The due date is still August 11th, but what really impressed me was last ultrasound, only a week before, the baby measured 5 days smaller then our estimated due date, but now, the little one measured a day bigger so I guess it made up for lost time! :) The spotting has also stopped, so all looks as it should. It was so cute to see the little one...it kind of looks like a gummy bear - a big head and stubby arms and legs lol. I am now 8 weeks, entering my 9th so I am going to take a picture of my tummy to have something of a base line. I'm not really showing, but I'm definitely a bit thicker then I normally am and often have to unbutton the top of my pants when I sit. For a baby that's only about 1.6cm long, it sure likes to have stretching room. :)

The bane of my current existence is my sense of smell. It is RIDICULOUSLY strong now. :( I can smell everything, and unfortunately, Georgia is not known for good smells. It is rather miserable, and I guess I'm kind of caught off guard because this is one of those symptoms I didn't really expect.

Well, I've got to go find something to eat that doesn't illicit a gag reflex. :) Love you all.

Well, yesterday I had my preliminary prenatal appointment where they just asked a bunch of questions about my history, my family history, Tim's history, etc. etc. They had me pee in a cup so they could do another pregnancy test which came back a very strong positive, which was something of a relief with the spotting I'm still having off an on...But I guess I knew that I am still hormonal because ouch do my breasts hurt, and I am now waging a constant war trying to keep the slowly creeping nausea at bay. I have taken to eating little bits every couple hours which seems to help, but I am now being plagued by an even more super sense of smelling then I normally have - which is usually pretty intense anyway - and sometimes even breathing can make me a bit queasy. Especially with our darn cat and her litter box!!! :( But, I am just glad that so far, the nausea is only slight and hasn't started being crippling yet. I'm holding out hope that I won't have it as bad as Mom, Lindy and Amber because I read somewhere that women who tend to get motion sickness tend to get really bad morning sickness...and I don't get motion sickness at all. There's some hope! :) Don't get me wrong, I am very happy I am experiencing sore boobs and morning sickness. No "complaining" here! It's cool in a way. :D

The nurse did decide to get me an appointment for the actual exam and all that as quickly as possible since I am spotting still, off and on, so we will be heading back tomorrow at 2:30pm. She even mentioned they might do a ultrasound to see if they can spot the heart beat. Personally, I almost wish they wouldn't do the ultrasound because from what I hear, at 6 1/2 weeks, it's pretty much a 50-50 on whether or not they can even find the heart beat in a healthy pregnancy...So if they say, "well, we can't find a heart beat", I don't know if I can trust that result. It would just be better, in my opinion, to wait until I'm far enough along that if they don't spot the heart beat, it actually means something. I'll see what the doctor says tomorrow, I guess, and then make the decision.

Well Tim just got back for lunch. Ttyl!
<3

Well, today is overcast and it looks like it rained last night. It's nice to be getting back into seasonal weather, but I am enjoying the sunshine and 80F weather as much as I can since we'll soon be back in Washington - never to see weather like that in December! :)

I feel a bit pukey today, but not bad. Basically nothing sounds good to eat. Every day those feelings get a bit stronger, so I guess I am happy about that. Baby is messing with my hormones which means all is probably as it should be. Yay!

Speaking of which, last night my spotting seemed to stop, which is a relief. But I'm half expecting it to start up again like it did on Tuesday. I've just decided to go with the flow and not let myself get all tied up over stuff I can't control anyway.

Well, I got to go see if I can find something I can choke down for breakfast.

Today I just got done with a 7:40am doctor's appointment in regards to this stupid rash that has been bugging me off and on since August. Her medical opinion is that it is a kind of eczema, which often goes along with the eczema I have always had from my lactose intolerance. So she gave me some hydrocortisone cream and told me I have to take less then hot showers, use really thick, hydrating lotions, and soap/body washes like Dove. It sounds like a plan...and if it doesn't seem to help in a week or so, I'm going back to get a referral to a dermatologist.

Rain is all grown up now. Alas, she started her first heat yesterday. :) She is extremely cuddly, which is cute, but it's also irritating because PetSmart doesn't carry doggy diapers big enough for her so I have to order one online. :( It will be hilarious to see her wearing them though! lol.

It has been getting below freezing here at night the past couple of nights...only down to 31F or so. During the day it's been in the lower to mid 60F so it's been nice. Chilly enough to feel like it's not summer anymore, but warm enough that I only need a light coat. :)

Well, anyway, that is about all that is happening around here. Holly out. <3

Well, it is another sunshiny day here in middle Georgia. It's only 58F so far though, so there is a slight chill in the air. Makes it nice weather for sweaters, but no coat. That is definitely one thing I'm going to miss when we get back to Washington - I'm going to miss being able to walk out the door, year round, without spending several minutes bundling myself up and then having to deal with the claustrophobia of so many layers restricting movement. Ah well, I gotta take the bad with the good. :)

I'm just waiting now for Tim to come home for lunch to find out if he is going to officially re-enlist today. If he is, I'm going to go back with him after lunch so I can watch him take his oath. Maybe even snap a few pics of it.

We've been roughly planning our trip home in February, and -depending on more information given to us by the AF - we're hoping to leave here on February 22 and get home by the 26th. So far we've only explored the straight route home and if we do take that way it, we would make our stops in St. Louis, IL, Sioux Falls, SD, and Billings, MT before making it to Spokane. Luckily, I have been able to find hotels in each of those cities that accept pets. lol. We may end up taking longer, and having to go down around south to stay out of the snow, but we'll see. We don't really have enough information available to us yet, from the AF, to make any real decisions.

Well, I'm going to go do some more research and planning. Love you all. :)

I just got out of a nice long, hot bubble bath, have a cup of cocoa in front of me and Tim is watching Elf on the tv. It's a good evening.

Today we've been recuperating from the big shindig yesterday. I'm planning on writing an email about it, so I'm not going to go into detail here, but it was a lot of fun. We had 9 people total, and as Nubia said, I think it was one of the best Thanksgivings put on by twenty-somethings ever. Everyone made something and we had a potluck. Nothing broke and nothing burned so it was great. :)

Not much happened today. We took Rain on a walk and then went to PetSmart to get her a choke chain as opposed to the pinch collar which she has somewhat out-trained. Everyone loved her, like usual. I swear it's like going to the store with a celebrity. Everyone whispers, points, comes up to pet her, and ask us questions. It's kinda' fun, but a little irritating when we're trying to shop. :P

When we were leaving PetSmart there were three teenage guys riding their bikes in the parking lot. One of them did a bunny hop then swerved right in front of us - completely perpendicular to us and then stopped...in the middle of the road. Luckily we were going slow because we suspected he was being something of an idiot and might cut in front of us so we stopped in plenty of time. I called out the window that they might want to ride somewhere else...it IS a parking lot with cars driving around after all. The punk who was riding the bike tried to get all blustery and show off his skill at handling his mistakes by saying something along the lines of, "Yo, watch where you're going dude...&*#@, @#%*" as he meandered around slowly on his bike, obviously hoping to regain some dignity in front of his buddies. So I simply re-instated that he should watch where he was going and move out of the road.

Seriously, that is what I said, just like that.

So what did he do? Only what any well educated young man would do...he called over his shoulder as he was riding his bike away "Just shut up you stupid bitch!"...I just smiled disbelievingly and shook my head as I briefly contemplated if I should get out of the car and slap him or not...or demand his home phone number and then call his mom.

It was a new experience for me though...I believe that is the first time, EVER, I have been called a bitch.

Gotta love the level of respect, education, and morals people instill into their children now-a-days, especially - and call me a racist if you want but I'm just pointing out an honest observation - in minorities.

Needless to say, Tim was about ready to get out of the car and make something of it, but didn't because they were obviously teenagers and I pointed out to him that the guy was just acting out of discomfort and embarrassment and was trying to regain face in front of his friends. Tim did make had a good point though, as we were talking about the incident on the way home; if an adult said something like that, there would be consequences...but if a teenager says it, you can't do anything. Something to think about and make plans for in future situations.

Well, anyway, I'm bored of writing. Ttyl. <3

Well, it's after all my shows and I'm sitting here waiting for Tim to finish a raid and an X-File episode to buffer, so I'm bored. I probably write too many of these things, but ah well. Like I said, I'm bored. :)

I made home-made mac and cheese for dinner, and it was so good. I think I finally found the recipe Mom used to make, and it tasted like home. :) I had Tim in charge of grating the cheese so, of course, he made extra which made the mac and cheese very cheesy. It was good. I swear that guy is obsessed with cheese. :P

We brought Rain to the baseball field today to run off some of her jitters, and Tim began getting her accustomed to skateboarding with him. We figure, once she's used to it and with the right equipment, it will be a good way to wear her out. After all, American Bulldogs are known for pulling extreme weight. Maybe someday I can even get a sled or wagon rigged up and she can help me pull stuff. Lol, that would be fun. I guess pulling carts was one of their jobs as farm/work dogs...maybe I will revive it.

My shows were pretty good. It was one of the best Bones episodes I've seen in awhile, House was okay, but he is irritating and I don't like his new team - I'm holding out hope, but I'm not happy about it. Law and Order: SVU was also just okay. Next week looks like an interesting one, but I don't like how they make some episodes all about Fin and whatever that other guy's name is. Face it, I watch SVU because of Olivia. I just want to see her in the show, and I want to see her without being all stone-faced like they've tried to make her this season. I don't watch the other Law and Order shows because, truth be told, I'm not all that interested in police procedural, I like shows with relationships, and they have taken almost every singe relationship out of SVU. Now it's just sex crimes and that's kinda' icky. I want my bantering squad room/car rides back! Ah well. :P

Well, X-Files is buffered and Tim's raid is on the final boss for tonight so off I go. Good night all.

Well, we have finally caught up on our sleep from the Weekend to Remember seminar in Chattanooga this weekend. It was a really, really good weekend. Hard, emotionally draining, but so good. I feel like Tim and I are back into our proper roles, perspectives and we have a plan. It is so nice.

Yesterday we went shopping for all the stuff we'll need for Thanksgiving this year. We got the turkey, stuffing, and gravy, and everyone else will be bringing the rest! That is a nice break too, especially since there will be 9 of us getting together. :)

Oh, and just a side note, never buy the Glade candles - the have no scent compared to the Mainstays candles at Walmart. We had a couple Mainstays candles and I loved how they made the whole house smell nice, and since it was almost burnt through, I bought a Glade candle...well, I can't even tell when it's burning because it has no smell. :( Just an FYI for anyone.

We have officially moved Rain out of our bedroom. We had her kennel in our room and she slept there every night, but we moved it out into the living room and now she sleeps out there. It is kinda' sad how "motherly" I feel about it. I feel just terrible sticking her out away from us. Ah well though, it's nice to have our bedroom just for us, and it will be nice to have her kennel so accessible when company etc. come over.

Aunt Debbie and Lindy has taken me up on my fitness challenge and we'll be starting after Thanksgiving. What the plan is, is to set each of ourselves personal goals - something challenging, but something that can be achieved within 2-3 months. Then, we will race each other to see who reaches our goal first. My goal is to lose about 6 pounds, and be able to do 50 push-ups (at least 25 on my toes), 50 sit-ups, 50 squats/lunges (25 each 'cause they're boring), without stopping to rest during the reps. This will be on top of the weekly water/exercise that I am doing with the "Biggest Losers", so I'll make sure I'm still getting a healthy about of fluids and cardio. I'm excited to get going because I'll be proud of myself when I reach that goal.

Well, that is all I can think of today. Holly out.

Today is a pretty day...it's about 60F, sunny, and very windy. It rained last night for a bit, so everything smells a bit more fresh.

Tim is at work, this is his last day before we take leave on Friday to go up to the "Weekend to Remember" thing in Chattanooga, TM. It sounds like it will be a good thing. Rain will be staying at the dog boarding place, and I'm sure she'll love being around new people for the weekend.

Thanksgiving has grown a bit. It looks like we'll have around 9 people total, and we're going to do a potluck style dinner, with Tim and I providing the turkey. I am really looking forward to it. We'll probably spend the first hour or so cooking - I'll be helping to instruct since several of the guys don't know how to cook :) - then we'll eat, and play games. It should be fun.

We're still working on planning the trip home. Lots of variables, lots of options, lots of work/thought.

I've been in an artistic mood lately...wrote a poem, drew a picture, and am planning another. They're kind of random...just thoughts put down on paper in one form or another. My poem is a little melodramatic. Reading it makes me feel like such a drama queen, but when I wrote it, I was just putting down what I was feeling. I don't know if I'll share it because it is so dramatic. My drawing I might scan and put on myspace in my drawing folder. Not sure yet though.

Well, it is almost 1pm on Thursday, so it's time for me to log onto ventrilo and talk to Lindy, Amber, and Mom if she can get hers to work.

Oh, and it's 82F out right now. I miss a real fall. :(

Yes, I'm whiny today.

Ack.

I just got off the phone with Tim who went and talked with TMO (I don't know what that stands for, but they're the people in charge of military moves etc.), and they said that they don't ship cars. This means we'll either have to drive it up there ourselves - roughly 3500 miles in the dead of winter, or we have to pay out of pocket to have it shipped. Also, Tim has a limit on how many miles a day he can travel...I think it's 350 or so miles per day. This means we would have to take 10 or so days to drive unless we can somehow work around his travel limit (oh, and they pay per-diem so the fast we travel, the less reimbursment we get). We would have to do this with a hyper dog and a cat. The lady he talked to also said something about they won't pay for us to drive home unless we haul a certain amount of our own belongings...along with our car, pets and us. So we'd have to rent a u-haul, tow our car, have a cat, a dog, and some of our stuff travel 10 or so days across 3500 miles in the dead of winter hoping to find hotels that will accept pets.

All of this because the military doesn't ship cars along with all your other belongings during a move. Brilliant. Go go military logic!

Now I have to figure all of this out and make it work somehow, in a way that won't completely make this move miserable.

K, rant over.

Well, it is 11:25am here and I'm just waiting for Tim to get home for lunch. It's a quiet day...I'm not a big fan of Wednesdays. They are always boring. :)

It is about 70F outside right now with only a bit of a breeze. I liked it better when it was cold and blustery because then it ALMOST felt like fall. The thing that helps is we seem to be in a patch of trees that actually change color and lose some of their leaves so it is nice to look out the kitchen window at a bright yellow tree and have leave blowing around, piling up in our yard.

I was looking the other day through videos on youtube after I posted mine there, and came across a bunch of anti-American, conspiracy theory videos. It's kind of scary to see how many there are, and how many people comment on them. Being who I am, I couldn't keep my fingers silent and posted a couple comments which led to a debate I am now in. lol. What strikes me as odd is how quickly these conspiracy theorists dismiss anyone who disagrees with them by calling you an "indoctrinated, right-wing ignorant". I think it's their version of "Just because"...okay that need explanation. In my logic class we spoke of logical debates and arguments and the professor pointed out that you know you won the argument/debate if your opponent says "just because" or something along those lines. These conspiracy theorists I have been debating with have little or no evidence or facts to support their beliefs - just opinions by other well known conspiracy theorists. They also seem to throw something at you like it is proof of what they are saying, when in actuality it is a quote taken out of context etc. So if you can get someone to attempt to dismiss everything you say by calling you an indoctrinated, right-wing ignorant to shut you up then you have a "just because" in my opinion. :)

Well, Tim is home so off I get.

And here is a picture of our halloween pumpkins...I know, I'm horribly late. This first one is mine.

Then Tim's...

This is our front door all ready for Trick or Treaters. We had a sterio playing some creepy sounds and halloween songs. It was fun - we went through 3 bags of candy, and STILL had to turn people away. :)

Ah, Friday. Tim's last day of work before a 3 day weekend. It is handy, really, that he gets holidays off now. :)

Today it's warmed up a bit, though it hasn't gotten below 60F, I believe, during the day, it's been below freezing the past couple of nights. Today it's supposed to get into the low 70s which is pleasant...though I must admit I wish it would just stay cold. It makes it feel so much more like the fall/holiday season.

I got my hair cut a couple days ago. It's pretty short - it hangs to about my jaw line. At first I didn't like it much because my hair freaked out because it hasn't been short since I was 8, so it hung really weird, but now that it's calming down a bit I like it more. It's nice not having to deal with long hair. :) A nice break. I definitely don't think I'll keep it short, I like my long hair too much, but I do like to have it for a while. I'll send out some pictures when I get the chance.

Other then that, not much is going on...The base is undergoing exercises so all the people we need to talk to in regards to the move are unavailable. So, we'll have to wait until next week to do anything. I just really want to get this going, and see some progress.

Well, Tim is home for lunch so off I go.

Well, it is about 1:34am and I cannot sleep. I have been having a hard time getting to sleep the past 2-3 weeks and it's rather annoying. I have always been able to order my mind to shut off and go to sleep, but lately I find though I still do so, it starts up a few minutes later and I'm back to being awake. I got tired of just laying in bed for hours so I decided to get up and try to occupy my mind instead of mulling things over and over again.

This has been a rough past week or so...Various irritations caused Tim and I to get into a pretty big argument - and for the first time in the whole span of our relationship we went to sleep still rather peeved with each other. I think this is because I have just had enough of trying to keep things okay all the time and decided that it was his turn to fix his problem. Well... :/

Tim woke up fine and happy the next morning so I decided to let it drop and take Mom's good advice to just put a "pause" on these particular issues and wait until we are in a place that we are getting SOME sort of input. This will be a wonderful thing because, really, we have not had any real input into our relationship since we got married. And it is beginning to show...I think I've taught Tim everything he can learn from me and now he needs to learn on his own - and he can't do that down here with no examples to follow. Heck, I need to learn stuff too, and I'm looking forward to getting some new insights and tools as well. Thank God, thank GOD we are FINALLY getting OUT OF HERE!

Another frustration is that we've decided we won't be able to come home for Christmas...again. This is the 4th Christmas that we will be alone. What with the move coming up, and the exorbitant prices on tickets in December, we just can't make it up there. *Sighs.* It's rather sad because I've noticed over the past couple of holiday seasons that Christmas carols make me choke up now...especially "I'll be home for Christmas" and "Have yourself a merry little Christmas". Yuck.

On the up side, we're going to be having a bunch of our single friends over for Thanksgiving again this year. It should be a lot of fun. I'm getting quite proficient at the whole feast making thing, if I do say so myself, after doing it by alone for 4 years. :)

We found out for sure that we do have to re-enlist for the base of preference rather then just do an extension, so that at least is decided. Tim's commander signed his paperwork so now Tim pretty much just needs to sign the re-enlistment papers and we'll be home in February. His official report date is February 28th, and our date of departure from Warner Robins is set for February 22. There is still a small chance we could be up there earlier then that, but I'm not going to plan on it. One thing I am thrilled about is that since this move is sanctioned by the military, we are going to have movers come and actually pack, box, and load our stuff for us! Yay, I don't have to do it this time! lol. I just have to over-see, co-ordinate, and then clean. Happy day. :)

Oh, I cannot express how much, how much I am looking forward to being back in Washington. Not only will I be near family and old friends, but I can finally, finally be ME again. I can go to school, I can get a job, I can hike, I can camp, I can ride, I can swim, I can work (you have NO idea how much I miss manual labor - I can't wait to buck a bale again), I can stand outside and smell the fresh air, feel a fresh breeze, pit myself against nature - be one with it and be outdoors without people staring at me, without people slowing down in their cars as they drive past so they can watch me, without strangers constantly trying to talk to me, without feeling like a fish in a fish tank. I can walk through the store without having black people trying to run me over just because I'm white. I can walk down a street without having to worry I might accidentally end up in the "hood" and get threatened just for being white. I can be around people who think the same way I do. I can finally re-define who I really am...in my element, in my world, with choice. Ah, the freedom of that...that feeling will be indescribable.

I really feel like I am stuffed in a tiny box with hardly an air hole and the lid is just starting to crack. The joy of it! These past 3+ years have not let me be me. Looking back on them I can hardly remember any of it. If you take away everything that makes a person feel alive - every single opportunity, and joy - time just goes by. That's been my mantra, 'time goes by. Just wait 'til it brings something back into your life that makes it worth the effort.' Finally, finally, it looks like I will actually be able to do something with my time!

If you don't understand what I say, or think I'm being overly dramatic, that's fine. I'm not. :) If you think this misery of 3 years has all been my attitude, that's fine. It's not. :) If you think that I could have done more, that's fine. You're right. But I refused to settle for this poor excuse for a life down here - where the highest aspiration available is to decide which restaurant to go to this weekend or which movie to see. Those pithy expressions "It's all in your attitude", and "Life is what you make it" are great. If I had chosen to be content with eating, watching movies, and sweating in the air-conditioned, smelly humidity, I would have been very happy here.

Yes, I could have gotten a job. I did not for 3 reasons: 1) I was constantly traveling to and from Washington for weeks at a time. 2) The few times I wasn't planning a trip to Washington, there were very few jobs available (there is an incredible unemployment rate here). 3) I did not/do not want to work at a restaurant again...I really dislike that line of work and the employers who tend to be in it. For those who sit in judgment on why I did not get a job, those are my reasons. I don't care if you agree or not or like them. Condemn if you must - you haven't been here or experienced the deep South and it's culture as a 19-22 year old transplanted alone without an accessible support system.

I am, as of this moment, officially washing my hands of any and all judgements and condescension that may have occurred over the past few years. I am taking that weight off my shoulders because I do not have to carry the burden of a lack of information or understanding by others. I name no one who has done this, and I am not saying that you, reader, have done this. I am saying that this has happened and I refuse to carry the burden any longer. If a person has not lived my life, or a life very similar to it, I feel a person cannot justly make judgments on it. I chalk any such judgements up to ignorance and/or inexperience.

I feel I have done an adequate job with what was allowed me. I have made sure that I have experienced and seen all I wanted to experience and see in the South.

To be clear, my life over the past 3 years is by no means on par with some of the miseries that are out there and for that I am grateful. Boredom and stagnation have been my only enemies, and I hope everyone who reads this knows that I in no way think I am some poor victim! On the grand scale of things, my complaints are small. But I am ready to get on with my life. I'm ready to live it. I am so, SO excited that I am finally being allowed to.

This is finished - this saga and time of my life is coming to an end. Thank God.

Well, we're just about to take off to a friends apartment to hang out and play games and the like, and Tim is just finishing getting ready. Today has been one of those long, rather difficult days, but ah well, it's almost over and this evening looks like a lot of fun. :)
I am so excited for Shelly and Peter. I love weddings and I can't wait to see their twist on it. So far everyone in our family has had some very original ideas and it is always so much fun to see a couple's personalities go into it. I also can't wait to sit down with Michelle and hear all her plans for the wedding and first year of marriage - a lot of big, life changing stuff and so much fun. :D
Well, Tim just said he's ready to go so off we get.

Well, it has been a long time since I last blogged. I go from having nothing to talk about to being so busy and thinking so much over options that I don't have the mental energy to spend typing. :)

It was so nice to have Mom and Dad here. What is weird about it is that I feel like I have 2 lives...When I'm with family I feel like that is reality and the rest is a dream. It takes a couple days to switch back and forth, and while I'm switching it feels surreal. What a bizarre feeling that is.

It was also really nice to have Mom and Dad meet Rain. She is such a big dope. :) Having Mom and Dad around long enough for Rain to get used to them really made a difference in how Rain treats new people now. She doesn't act like she's starving for their attention anymore and will actually mind her manners. Thanks guys for putting up with her craziness the first couple days!

Today is the last day of our prayer time to decide whether or not to re-enlist or leave the military. I think we will be making that decision tonight, and I will be relieved to have a path chosen.

Tim talked to Jason last night and Jason pretty much said that Tim could more then likely find a job in the civilian world, right now, no problem - what with his training, experience and security clearance. The positives on leaving the military and going civilian would be there wouldn't be a risk of deployment, much better pay, a settled lifestyle, we'd be in Washington State, and Tim could choose a job he enjoyed as opposed to being assigned to whatever was needed. The negatives are that we'd be on the west side of the state which would mean another big change in lifestyle to what we're used to and enjoy in eastern Washington, there would be fewer education benefits and his job may not allow him to go to school as readily as the AF does, and finally, being long distance now would make the job search a pain as well as finding a house, etc.

On the other side of the coin we have a re-enlistment: The positives are that we would have job security, full benefits, education benefits, a safe community to live in surrounded by people our age (always a perk :), tons of jobs would be available to me in our immediate area, we'd be near EWU where I would really like to get my bachelor's, our location would be fantastic and we would FINALLY know what it is like to be young adults in our element - doing the things we like to do and being with the people we like to be with (not saying our friends here aren't great, but the rest of the people here are kinda' ack). It would be nice to have at least a few years living our lives in a way we want before we have to go live "in the big city" for Tim's career. :) The negatives are: Deployment risks, less money, and no choice in jobs for Tim.

There are probably more positives and negatives to both that I can't think of right now.

Oh, and if we did re-enlist, we would be home in mid to late February! Now that would be fantastic. :)

The weather here has been great the past few weeks. This is the one time of year I really love the weather down here. Picture an Indian Summer in Washington that lasts for a month or more. It's not nearly as colorful as in Washington, but it is still so beautiful.

Well, this blog is getting way to long so off I get. :)

Thanks Becki, Kristi, and Lindy for your sweet comments on my last blog. They were encouraging and helped me feel less like a 'failure'...and made me feel less like I am looked at as some sort of failure.

I have a doctor's appointment for tomorrow at 2pm and hopefully they'll have Dr. House type skills and figure out what is wrong with me. I noticed yesterday that I am starting to get my strep rash again and I still have pretty severe stomach aches multiple times daily. As in every hour, hour and a half I have to run to the bathroom. It sucks. I've had that for over 2 weeks now and that was bad enough, but now that the strep rash is coming back after going away with the antibiotics, I am getting frustrated and annoyed.

Rain has been very sweet today. I have been feeling so bad being her caregiver during the day because any sort of exercise makes my stomach unhappy, so Rain has been missing out on all her morning walks and playtime. Poor girl. :( Today, though, I think she is realizing I'm not feeling very well because she is keeping to my side like a shadow, looks at me with big, soulful eyes, and crawls up onto my lap anytime she can. I swear she thinks she's weighs 10 lbs instead of near 80, but she is so gentle and cuddly about it that I can't resist. :)

Tim had a good day at work today. It is so nice to see him come home with a smile on his face and stories of successfully fixed tickets (tickets sent to them from the help desk regarding network problems). He's challenged, overcomes, and is content. Oh, so nice as I'm sure all the married woman out there can attest to! :P

We bough Rain a dog backpack from REI to make her walks more challenging for her and it came in the mail yesterday. She holds very still in it until we make her move, but she does well with it. She looks pretty cool in it too. :) What was weird though, is we only ordered one, REI only charged us for one, shipping for one, and they sent us 4! So now we have to untangle all that.

Well, I'm off to watch the Sisterhood of the Traveling Pants. :) 'Til later!

Here is a quick update as to what has been going on here the past couple weeks. I just haven't had the energy to write. :)

• Strep got better, but caught a stomach flu that after 2 weeks I'm just getting over. It's so nice not to be in constant pain now. :)
• Tim finished his class with a good test score of 97%, and is enjoying his new job so far.
• We're now at the 12 month mark of trying to conceive. It's hard to see people who are pregnant, especially if it's easy for them to get that way. I wonder why God doesn't see fit to bless us. Also, I find I carry a fair amount of humiliation and embarrassment over it.
• The trade was denied due to an "assignment on record" for Kenneth Barnum. So we're now trying plan B of re-enlisting with base of preference...but we won't be moving back to WA 'til May. Another winter and holiday season in the South. I hate it here so much I cannot express it - Warner Robins is the complete opposite of anything that would make life worthwhile. No job, no family, no challanges, no school, no outdoor activities, etc, etc.

Hopefully I'll be up to writing more now that I'm feeling a bit better, and now you're caught up on the highlights.

Yay! We're off! :D

Well, I just got off the phone with the urgent care nurse on base and she has referred me to a "med stop" (I had never heard of that before?). I am supposed to go ASAP today. So now I just have to wait 'til Tim can get off work to take me since he has the only car. Luckily, they're letting him off early so he can bring me so we should be on the way in an hour or so. It will be a relief to at least hear what this stupid rash is! I thought last night that it was finally getting better, but I woke up this morning to it being as bad as ever and spreading. Now I'm starting to get the tiny pink bumps up my neck! NO!!! I hope they have some miracle drug they can give me and make this all go away.

I have re-washed all my clothes in borax so it shouldn't be the detergent and nothing else is new...I've been taking cold showers 3-4 times a day - no soap - and no lotion afterwards, instead I'm smothering myself in aloe. No fun, no fun.

I really hope this is gone by Sunday when we head down to Disney World. :/

Today seems like it's gonna be one of "those" days. First off, I have been dealing with a miserable, unexplained rash since Thursday that itches like you wouldn't believe and is on my arms, legs, and a bit on my tummy. It's not getting worse really, but it's not getting any better, and is like tons of tiny little clear blisters -some stacked on top of each other. If it hasn't made a marked improvement by Monday I'm going in to the doctors.

Then I woke up with cramps today, nothing terribly different there for my time of the month, but just another discomfort on top of the disgusting and itchy rash. As you can tell, I'm feeling very attractive today. :P

THEN, we brought Rain on a walk and though she does very well, she gets really excited to see new people and new dogs. Well this family shanghaied us and wanted Rain to meet their dog in the back yard. They wouldn't take no for an answer so, not to be rude and because Rain was doing okay, we brought her back there. She got excited but not out of control...then the guy wanted to pet Rain and got all "hey puppy! good girl!" on her...all high voiced and hyper himself. Well she flipped. Next thing you know she has jumped all over me and covered me with mud (my new, white running shoes are now permanently orange) and scratched 3 deep scratches in my rashy, blistery, itchy arm!

Ick. And it's only 12:30.

Well, my daily blog isn't so daily. :P A bunch has happened this past week, not to mention the weather has been a lot of fun with thunder and lightning everyday.

I have started taking Rain on a walk/run every morning and found that I really enjoy getting out and about in the morning. She does too, and now waits while I get dressed just looking at me patiently until I'm ready. It's cute. :) Speaking of Rain, yesterday she graduated her Beginner Obedience class! She has had something of a breakthrough the past couple of weeks and suddenly everything just clicked. The 'tricks' in her bag include sit, down, come, stay, leave it, settle, drop it (well, we're working on that one still lol), and she walks nicely on the leash. She is much easier to deal with now. :) We're probably going to enroll her in an intermediate class in September to keep her challenged and fine tune her a bit. After working with her almost everyday for an hour or so for the past 2 months, I'm so proud. :)

Tim got some good news from his work the other day...first, he found out that he was rewarded a CJR - Career Job Reservation. These are pretty rare and hard to come by in his field due to the fore-shaping of the Air Force, but, in my opinion, he earned it and certainly deserved one. Now, if we decide it's the best course for us, we can re-enlist.

Second, you know how I mentioned he had been passed up to get transferred out of the help desk finally because of the trade? Well, the guy who decides who is transferring talked to Tim's superiors - all the way up to his commander, and they all said Tim deserves the transfer whether this trade goes through or not so they should give it to him! So, thankfully, after all the hard work and responsibility Tim has shown, he is getting paid back for it and will FINALLY get to transfer out to a job he actually trained for! The week after we get back from Disney World, Tim will be transferring to Network and Communications Management. Woot!

As for me, I got the information package I requested from Eastern Washington University and have been looking that over. Hopefully (that word haunts me :P), if the trade goes through and we get Spokane, I can go back to college! I am looking really seriously at an art major...as in art education. It's still just an idea I'm mulling over, but I could see myself really enjoying the classes, and I could see myself really enjoying the job/career it would offer. We'll see. I wish they had some sort of degree that pertained to animals, but alas, they do not. Oh well, life is long and I can fulfill all my dreams given enough time. :)

Anyway, that is all that is going on for now. Off I go to check my emails.

Today I listened to a mini-sermon Mom linked to me, and I found it really interesting. Through it, I found a way to explain/describe my life. I feel like though I explain and describe my life to people, it never comes across correctly. This little mini-sermon on Ruth chapter 1 gave me a freedom to express exactly what I see and feel in my life right now.

"...the Lord's hand has gone out against me." (Ruth 1:13b) "I went away full, but the Lord has brought me back empty...The Lord has afflicted me; the Almighty has brought misfortune upon me."(Ruth 1:20b-21)

I am Naomi.

I cannot express the freedom I feel to be able to say this. For always it has been said, "God brings good things into your life and opportunities. If you don't have good things happening in your life, it is your own fault. You are missing out on His opportunities." But what if every opportunity that is presented to you, you take, and it is all for naught? It crumbles in your hands! What if there is very little good in your life? Does that mean God has forsaken you? But God forsakes no one!

It is SUCH FREEDOM to say "The Lord's hand has gone out against me." Because then that means He is paying attention to me. He isn't just letting me struggle and stumble my way around life desperately fighting FOR a life, for direction, for happiness. But He actually has a hand in it - even if it is to deny me at every turn and set His hand against me.

Of course, my situation isn't has dire as Naomi's where her husband and sons have all died, leaving her destitute, but I can honestly say that I have seen the Lord's hand against me - holding me still, keeping me from moving forward, keeping me from any direction, from blessing.

I am also like Naomi in that she calls God "Shaddai" which is the name of God that describes him as a provider and, as the mini-sermon said, "the God who is at his best when people are at their worst." I have hope, and faith, that God will eventually "redeem" me like He did Naomi. That hope and faith has never wavered. I know things will get better, my struggle is that for right NOW, every hope is dashed and every struggle lost, day after day.

So, like Naomi, I will continue to do the best I can. Breathe everyday, because time always goes by and one day, I will be "redeemed" like she was. Until then hope is my ally and my curse. It is what keeps me going, and it is what allows disappointment.

It has been hot, hot, hot here this past week. Yesterday it was 104F and today it is already 80F with no clouds in sight. Being outside is oppressive - it takes a conscious effort just to walk faster then a slow stroll. Inside, even with our air conditioning the humidity is so bad that if I do anything - wash the dishes, laundry, vacuum, I find I just drip sweat. Yuck! Lol.

Today I'm going to be doing laundry and battening down the hatches around the house so it's ready to wait for us this weekend. I am SO looking forward to seeing new sights. :) It will be nice just to hang out with Tim with nothing to do but explore and enjoy ourselves. I know I'll be worried about Rain the whole time, but I'm sure she'll do just fine. She's a good dog and pretty tough.

Wow, our cat is going ballistic today...running around, jumping up walls, meowing and scratching on our carpet(!). She's a weird one. She'll have the house to herself this weekend, though, so I'm sure she'll be relieved not to have to watch out for Rain all the time. :)

We bought our tickets for Disney World and Universal Studios, and reserved our condo. We're going to be heading down there September 9-15 and staying at the Silver Lake Resort which is right next door to Disney World Animal Kingdom. It is really nice because through the Air Force Vacation Club we got a whole week at the condo for only $329. Usually it's $190-$230/night! Quite a deal. Our basic schedule will look something like this: Sunday, the 9th, we'll drive down and check into our condo and then hang out the rest of the day. It should only take 5 1/2 hours to get to Orlando from here, so it will leave a lot of time for swimming and just relaxing from the trip. On Monday (10th), we'll be going to Disney World Magic Kingdom, Tuesday will be the Animal Kingdom, Wednesday MGM Studios, Thursday Universal Studios Islands of Adventure, Friday we'll go find a nice beach, and Saturday we'll drive home. :) Fun.

Well I gotta get laundry started. 'Til later.

Well, we found out today that Tim didn't get staff sgt. It's pretty rare to get staff this early in an enlistment so we aren't really surprised, but what is frusterating is that there was a couple people who made it who Tim had actually trained...So we don't know what happened. The only thing we can think of is they have been in service about a month longer then Tim. Who knows?

Also, they are finally trading some guys out of the Help Desk and they wanted to give Tim first choice since he's been there so bloody long and he's the best troop there, but since Tim is working on the trade, they passed him over. So even if the trade does not go through, he's still stuck at the Help Desk.

The trade hasn't moved forward at all, so no news there.

Tim has been throwing around the idea that if we don't get the trade, he may volunteer for deployment because it is so, SO miserable here at work for him. Deployment was hard, but it's far and away better then life now.

Yesterday I went in to get a yearly physical and pap test. The physical went well, everything is normal and healthy. My next appointment, for the pap test, was cancelled (though they didn't call me) so I had to reschedule again. This is the second reschedule I've had to do on the stupid appointment. I was joking with Tim saying that at this rate I would die of cervical cancer before even being tested for it. :P

Anyway, I am looking forward to doing something fun this weekend and head up to Charleston, but other then that, there really is nothing else going on. 'Til later then.

Wow, I just checked the temperature and it is 99F at 10:30pm!!

WAY too hot!

Today was one of those boring, normal days. I did laundry, and dishes, straightened the house, exercised Rain, and tried to stay cool in the upper 90's.

Tim had to work, and he found out that his supervisor Sgt. Johnson got chosen for re-training which means that Tim may inherit some of her jobs. He really isn't looking forward to it because it is pretty intensive and on top of being his shift's leader, it would keep him overly busy. Unfortunately, it is likely they'll give him her jobs because he's the only one on the help desk that knows what he's doing and is responsible. Tim is also worried because if the trade isn't approved before he inherits those jobs, it is likely they'll deny his swap application because he'll be indispensable to them. Yuck. Yet another glitch to worry about.

Rain had her training class today, and it was graduation day. Unfortunately, since Rain has self-control issues, she didn't get to graduate. Fortunately, the trainer is going to be working one on one with us the next couple of weeks trying to teach Rain some self-control, and then she'll graduate her. The trainer, Ruth, is really nice about it and seems to genuinely like Rain and respects her and her abilities, so that is good. :) Like I said in another post, Rain can be absolutely brilliant and she learns extremely fast. Her only problem is that she gets so excited that she loses all control of herself and can't focus on anyone or anything. We're going to be working that out of her. She's already getting tons better then she was, and hopefully we'll soon have a sane dog. This will be great since she weighs 66 lbs and is all muscle. Let me tell you, Tim and I are getting pretty buff having to deal with her day in and day out. Lol.

I just finished watching Dracula 2000. It was pretty good, other then it had lots of boobs in it. It had a pretty interesting twist on who Dracula was. In this theory, he is Judas Iscariot. I had never heard that idea before and it is pretty clever. The history of the vampire legend is so interesting. If anyone is really interested in actual historical legends about vampires, you should read The Historian by Elizabeth Kostova. Like the stories of dragons, I definitely think there is something to them...every legend/lie/myth is based on some truth. Especially ones that have lasted centuries. It would be fascinating to know what the legends are based on.

Well, that is all for today. Off I go. :)

Today was another hot day...but luckily it didn't get up into the 100s. We had thunder this afternoon but no visible lightning and no rain.

Rain has been acting a little odd today...mostly this morning. She has been fine with me, but she seemed almost scared of Tim when he would call her or try to put her leash on to take her outside to go potty. It was really weird. She would do that wriggling, squatting, submissive dance dogs do and then roll over onto her back. She even submissive peed a little! She NEVER does that. We are a little worried since she only did this the morning after she was at a doggy day care - and she wasn't like that with me so we were wondering if there was a man who wasn't very nice to her there. >:( Either that, or she just is a little stressed from it still and is less comfortable with Tim and trusts me a bit more. Who knows? We'll be keeping an eye on her to see if she keeps it up or if she seems fine.

Tonight was our guild raid night on WoW. It was fun. We're a new guild with only 9 or so 70's, though we're growing really fast. We did Kara and did pretty well. The big excitement, however, (at least for me) was that a restoration druid topped the healing meters! :D Me of course, otherwise it wouldn't be exciting. :P Resto druids rarely, very rarely, top healing meters because their big heals are so slow and their heals over time just tick away and usually other healers heal over the top of them making them obsolete. But tonight, I beat out 2 holy priests and a resto shaman. :) I am excited.

Anyway, right now Tim is doing more WoW research (it really never ends), Rain is sleeping on the couch, Ginger Belle is curled up on her scratching post, and I am typing this and thinking about heading to bed.

I have also decided to start blogging here, as blogging on Myspace doesn't seem to suit the everyday "this was how my day was" type thing. Here it feels more private and with less pressure so I'm going to use it somewhat like a daily journal spot. :) Well...knowing me it won't be daily. :)

Yesterday was a nice day...we brought Rain to a doggy day care for 3 reasons - 1. I needed a break. She's like baby sitting 24/7 - a heck of a lot of work! 2. Our trainer suggests that people bring their dogs into day care 2-3 times a month to let them learn that you will always return to them, so it builds trust and confidence in the dog and also it makes them "think new thoughts". :) 3. We're going to be leaving here there to board when we go to Charleston the 17-19 so we wanted her to get used to it.

It was just nice to be able to get out of the house without having to worry about her for once. :) We did some shopping - we desperately needed new shoes and we got Tim some shorts. Today we're going to go back and get a pair of jeans and some shorts for me as well. We got burnt out shopping yesterday, neither of us is big on shopping, so we decided we'd split it up to 2 days when we started getting short fuses. :)

After shopping we came back and went swimming at the pool near our house, it was nice but way to warm! It was 102F yesterday and the pool felt like bath water. Not terribly refreshing. It was good to just float for a bit though.

Shortly after that we went and picked Rain up and then Tim made hamburgers for dinner. An all together very nice day.